Vah-gay fǝmfog?

Sounds Finnish, doesn't it? Vah-gay fǝmfog...

Almost as if your Isoäiti (Grandmother) were asking your jock bro if he had taken a shower after his pesäpallo (a Finn's version of baseball) play-off.

"Vahgay fǝmfog, Armas?" The accent is on the gay part of the word and not a slur of bro's sexual orientation. And that's Armas as in Darling, not arm pits....

If bro's sisar (sister, i.e. YOU in this scenario) were addressing the topic, no doubt she'd say, "Broidi, sua haista... löyhkä... löyhkätä...  haju... lemuta... LEMU! (as in" Brother, you stink six ways to Sunday!) VAH-GAYFǝMFOG!!!!"

Sadly, my vah-gay fǝmfog has nothing to do with personal cleanliness. Finnish or otherwise. And you can't blame my ears this time, either.

It's CVS Caremark's fault. Plain and simple.

Today, I finally got around to dialing up a refill on my Vagifem tabs - that local dose of estrogen that my gynecologist prescribed - even though the label said to refill after 3/13/12. I guess I've been conserving them... call it what you will.

Anyway, I dialed in a bunch of information, and the chummy computer voice asked me to respond.

"You ordered Vah-gay fǝmfog, right? Say 'Yes' or dial 1 if this is correct. Press 2 to repeat this information."

I pressed 2 immediately. What the hell was she talking about? My box said Vagifem 10mcg.

"You ordered Vah-gay fǝmfog, right? Say 'Yes' or dial 1 if this is correct. Press 2 to repeat this information."

I'm tapping my head, convinced that the pharmacy is trying to pull a fast one. Maybe it is going to send me Low-T therapy or brain tumor meds. I press 2 again, feeling like an idiot.

"You ordered Vah-gay fǝmfog, right? Say 'Yes' or dial 1 if this is correct. Press 2 to repeat this information."

Then I really focus in on the printed prescription. It says, "VAGIFEM VAG TAB 10MCG."

Ohhhhh.... that Vahgayfemvag... for my vahguyna.

I think I yelled YES and pressed 1 at the same time.

That's it. I'm finnished.